September 2000
September 30
Now, all the games and stories
links that I want to keep have been placed in the Links section on here.
I'm coming up with a better version of that story I was writing last year,
to make it not so mundane and robotic. The out-of-order writing style
was just a way to mask these qualities, and the truth is that I had trouble
reconciling all the events with each other based on their chronology.
As for SaliNet, I've just been running the Air/MoD server because that
seems to be the most popular, but I've been thinking about doing AOH again
for a while.
Well, there are only two subtitled
entries this month, including this one I'm typing right now. I could
go in depth about college, and life here, but I've been very tired lately
and can't seem to come up with much energy for anything. I get exhausted
after classes, and studying, and homework, and everything else, or maybe
I'm just turning lazy. I promise I'll do more with this page once
it's online again, past the August 27 point.
Guess what? I got the soundtrack
to the CBS show Survivor, and it is really good. The music has a
common tropical theme, but with lots of different variations. I think
that if I were to use any music in a Drakan level, it would have to be
from the Survivor CD. Of course, I don't really rate music solely
on how well it would fit into a Drakan level, but I'm practically the only
one who considers that aspect.
I don't know what I was rambling
about yesterday, but I really need to stop it because this page is going
back on the Internet soon. From now on, there will be more Meridian
updates, more relevant stuff, more opinions, and more fun! But first,
I have to move all the Nalenna stuff to the front page. Unfortunately,
there's no practical way to change the names of some of the files here
from Nln_*.* to something else. I guess I might try a search and
replace on the front and all the archives, but then I would have to replace
everything on the Internet too. For now, I'll just move all the Nalenna
links to the links section of The Sine Wave, and not worry about the graphics.
Sometimes it seems like the world
is trying to bring me down, as if fate is challenging the basis for my
twisted motives at every turn I make. I suppose I should be inflexible
to nothing, including my fantasies, because it could all change or go sour
at any moment. Never expect that things will stay the same.
This is kind of an issue with me because I have a problem with disillusionment,
particularly regarding things I feel strongly about. My entire worldview
is challenged, and my mind can't cope with it sometimes. Sorry about
the rant, this isn't about anything that is really interesting, but I just
felt like sharing my thoughts today. I really do live in a fantasy
world in my mind, just like it might appear sometimes on this page, but
I'm trying to manage to get back to Earth as much as possible, so I can
make sense and be more focused on my studies.
I aced that math test, or at
least scored on the right side of the curve. The questions weren't
nearly as hard as some of the ones in the homework. I had a lab for
my environmental science class, and for that, we went on a field trip to
the sewage treatment plant! Yay! That's the third time that
I've toured a sewage plant on a school trip. The first one was in
middle school, the second was for the School of Environmental Studies,
and now there was this lab. I wonder if this means fate has chosen
my career as a worker at a waste water treatment plant. The elements
of this plant were basically the same as the one in Minnesota, except the
anaerobic bacteria tanks weren't so far below us.
Ouch. I just realized that
the big writing class paper is due tomorrow, so I have to finish it starting
right now! I won't be able to sleep until 3:00 AM, it seems.
Old habits die hard, I guess, but in this case, it really is for a class!
The math test was easier than I thought.
Some students at the Bradley
dorm, including me, went to see a play called The Devil's Disciple today.
It's a George Bernard Shaw parody of the melodrama, and it takes place
during the Revolutionary War. The plot involves the British government
looking for rebels to execute, and there's a man named Dick Dudgeon who
calls himself the Devil's Disciple, and he really has no feeling for anyone.
There's a preacher who is being sought out by the British, but Dick is
mistaken for him when they come to the preacher's house. Dick goes
with them willingly, for reasons unknown. It's not for honor, it's
not for the preacher's wife, and he doesn't even want to die. Later,
it shows the motivations of the British, and the plot comes together.
The entire play was performed with everyone speaking very emotionally,
especially the entire Dudgeon family, and there were some parts that we
students found funny. Even though it was written in 1896, the humor
has aged well and most of it still works.
Not much happened today.
I made the SaliNet Air/MoD server, and it is drawing in more people than
just air combat alone. There's a math test on Monday, and a play
tomorrow, so I did some studying and homework for that. Also, there's
a report for Creative Thinking and Expression due sometime next week.
There just seems to be no time to work on Meridian lately.
Today, I went to see a concert
by a local band called the Gufs. It was very loud, like all concerts,
but I got used to it. I liked their music, so I decided to listen
to some of their songs on my roommate's CD player. They actually
sounded better live than on the CD, in my opinion. Maybe the acoustics
in my room aren't very good. The concert took place in a barn because
it was raining that day. The Gufs don't really have very many songs
that stick in your mind, though. "Lake 17" has the most memorable
melody, and "Listen to the Trees" is a good representative of their style,
but some of their songs kind of run together.
I've finished all the level geometry
for Meridian level 1, except for the cave that goes to the next level,
and now all I have to do is add the textures, objects, links, and story
cues. It's getting easier to make water in a canyon, because I've
come up with a system for doing it. First, I set the view range to
100 below to 100 above the water level, then I change all the outer vertices
to the height of the water, so it can be flat. After that, I create
a water layer high above the landscape and drape it over the mountains,
and then all I have to do is texture the water and turn its vertices to
the water type. Of course, then I have to add grass and moss to the
shore, making sure to get all the "transition" textures right, and then
add plants using the artificial randomness technique, and put in ambient
sounds for atmosphere.
SMASH! ...don't worry,
I'm still alive, but right now I'm thinking that my whole world has collapsed
on me. In a way, it has, not because of the math, but because of
certain other factors. That smashing sound you just heard was the
sound of the second pillar of The Sine Wave and its side projects being
crushed into oblivion. This was something important, too, something
that had been there for a while. It would have to have been something
started during my childhood. Maybe this page doesn't reflect certain...
events and states of being... but if it does, then this late summer is
the time I crash and burn. Sorry again for being cryptic, but my
inhibitions have kind of been washed away by the fact that no one can read
this site. Think of it as prose, or freestyle poetry, or just some
form of delusional symbolism. My homework urgency has subsided for
a while, so I'll have some Meridian editing time tonight. I just
wish I could keep the versions going on my site.
Well, this math certainly is
harder than it seemed to be... all these problems... I don't know how to
do this! It's just so... confusing... and here it is at 3:00 AM the
next day, and it's still not finished... I feel something coming... a scream?
A cry for mercy? aaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAHHHHHH...
Today was a day of discovery,
as I discovered that after my roommate's computer broke down, I discovered
that the printer from that computer wouldn't work right away. When
I tried to install it, it did several things that mostly ended up with
this computer crashing and having to be rebooted, and I finally got it
fixed late at night and had time to work on my letters and journal for
Environmental Science. I worked on a few math problems too, and yeah,
they were hard, but I bet they'll just get easier and easier for me as
my mind goes into math mode. That's probably wishful thinking, but
my mind will explode if I don't finish them and then I won't have to worry
about math anymore. But since I kind of want to live, I had better
do that math.
I started work with the editor
again, but I just tested a few of its limits. Also, I have a severe
case of homework. There's math, then there's that trip to the Waubesa
Wetlands again, and tomorrow there's a Japanese test. It's all review
for me, so I'm working a little on my math tonight, but it is hard!
There's simplification and the Quotient Rule and square roots and it's
all mixed together with a nice splash of coconut oil, and it serves six.
Six demons, that is, which will certainly cloud my mind and make it impossible
for me to finish math! Well, I won't have it. I'm going to
finish that homework if it kills me!
Now it is time to start talking
about things which might actually make sense to other people. I tried
hosting a Survivor-themed event on SaliNet last night and this morning,
using only Lord Stone's level Andhorn because it looked the most like a
Tribal Council scene. It didn't work out too well, though.
My video drivers gave me troubles again, and there weren't enough people
there to have any kind of a real social event. I guess I should warn
people in advance if I'm going to do something like that, but it really
was just a spur-of-the-moment thing and I don't think I'll be doing it
again. My readers, you are not able to read this, but I have not
been working on Meridian for the entire month. I have been too busy
with setting up my server and studying. Besides, it's not like I
can keep putting updated versions on this page, so that was some motivation
lost. Tomorrow, I will get some work done on Meridian and maybe start
a log of the project on the Drakan forums or something, and people can
give their input.
It is just a shame, having to
give up on such a great vision as Nalenna. It was going to be my
way out of the cloak of invisibility and into the view of the entire world,
but suddenly it was gone because of forces beyond my control. I don't
want to believe what they say, about a parasitic nature, and I will not
believe that no matter what happens. But if I try to keep Nalenna
going now that it has no representation in reality, it would be like keeping
up a page mirroring the developmental stage of a lizard in a terrarium,
only after the lizard had died and the terrarium changed into a model of
a mysterious island, which had only been alluded to by the strange chemistry
coming from under the soil a few months earlier. My last act, as
former Nalenna creator, was to take a journey of the mind into the realm
of the strange, using only the mind-altering agent of unfavorable conditions.
Then the funhouse mirror was shattered, because what it reflected had already
ceased to exist. At least a friendship remains, and this will be
a new beginning for what I shall now call the two remining elements: Nalidir
and Atienna. These forces shall no longer be one, but they will continue
to thrive and balance each other out, unless Atienna reverts to its former
direction.
After I woke up on the comfortable
couch in the math building office, made my way back to my dorm room, and
remembered that I have classes, I made a resolution never to skip out on
writing the page for a few days, especially when not much has happened,
and expect to be able to remember much. I'm back to reality now,
and SaliNet is still going strong. There's been a lot of whining
on the Drakan forums lately, and it was getting tiresome, so I decided
to make a few "complaints" of my own about really trivial things.
Mocking recent events is one of the things I do on this site and everywhere
else I go, where it's appropriate. Sometimes it's a mockery that
is slightly out of date, but such things take time to consider when they
are the end of an era. I suppose it is only right that I tell you
now, and the rest of the world a few days later, that Nalenna is no more.
This is my fault. The foundation of Nalenna was a singular circumstance,
alluring in its inherent fierceness of commitment but ultimately doomed
to fail because of its place in a higher structure of shallowness.
Now that foundation has been worn away not by savage destruction, but by
attrition. I am at least thankful for that. It is time to form
my own base for a new project. The slow, invisible beast known as
Nalenna will soon be replaced by a new, faster, but still invisible, beast,
whose name I have not decided on yet.
I had the dream again yesterday,
and before, that I had found the map and was on the hovercraft, and today
I really am there - it is perfection. The sea below me was as calm
as the ether above me, and the only sound I could hear was the humming
of the hovercraft's starbeam engine as it zoomed over the water, to the
other side of reality, toward the Island of Faith. Soon I, Shanvar,
will be back to explore the planet using the island's spiritual energy.
It is so comfortable here. I will sleep now, and soon all will be
calm and well with the world. Soon...
As the glowing lizards which
glide across the sky every night can tell you, with their trails of moondust
glittering behind them writing out such beautiful words to each other in
their own language, my skill of exploration is in a less than optimal condition
now that I no longer have control of the spirit energy. It has become
clear to me that I must find the Map of the Really Obscure Zone, so that
I may return to the Island of Faith and perhaps find the Magic Crystal
which will bring back the life energy to this desolate world. I sit
here, alone, save for a few butterflies fluttering up into the night sky
and exploding in such incredible splendor and such imposing morbid shame,
that I must look and then cover my eyes so they do not melt. This
world has turned to chaos.
I must really convince the bureau
of word normality to change the name of the ninth month of the year.
It's misleading because "sept-" means seven, and it's annoying for me to
have to write "September" at the top of every entry, every day. So
far, I'm really starting to lose my grip on the ever undulating visible
music scale we call reality, and I blame my planet, which I can find my
way around no longer, for all the insanity that's all around us, and the
darkness that invades our lives every day. We all need a trip to
the Island of Faith, and we need it soon. There seems to be something
called SaliNet which I control, so that will be mine to explore for now.
Still no luck finding that map.
I went around the shifting landscape, asking the wonderful creatures if
they knew its whereabouts, but their only comment was an inquiry into my
health. But I have perfect health! I am Shanvar, intrepid explorer!
I need no medical help from anyone! In a huff, I stormed off into
the distance, where the shadows and pyramids cast an eerie glow by the
lake under that green twilight sky. The answers will come to me soon
enough.
My entries on here have been
getting shorter and shorter. I guess that's because of what I have
recently realized, after a little walk through the deserts of Madison.
My eyes are open now, and I can see that I am really Shanvar, an explorer.
But at this moment, my exploration power cannot be realized because it
only exists when I am channeling spiritual energy from my home, the Island
of Faith. To get to this place, I need to find the Map of the Really
Obscure Zone, and some sort of vehicle, preferably a hovercraft.
Woo hoo, it's Friday! I've
been e-mailing and calling my parents a lot, and getting messages from
my teachers to start doing some work! So, this won't be like the
days of old, where I can just be on my computer all the time.
I'm kind of bored, so I'm going
to start skipping out on this serious entry stuff and start writing as
if I were living in fantasy. It's going to be a real trip.
The reason is because nothing really happened, especially anything regarding
my usual computer games, so I'm just going to make up something.
This is sort of the low point of The Sine Wave as I get adjusted to life
here at college.
Not much happened today, except
for a few classes. We're not getting into the hard stuff yet, but
lately we've been doing a lot of reading the environmental science textbook.
I've been experimenting with new SaliNet servers, and I think I really
will take a short break from Meridian until I can get this crazy new college
life under control.
I wasn't overwhelmed to complete
death in my Japanese class today, but there's a hiragana test on Friday.
Good thing I already know hiragana, plus katakana and some kanji and a
lot of grammar, but my speaking skills aren't really that great.
They aren't great in English, either. I got lost on my way to the
Creative Composition discussion workshop, which is located all the way
in the south divisions, so it's far away from my other classes. I
ran the Portals, which link to a bunch of other levels, on my server today.
There seem to be a lot of times when nobody joins, though, so tomorrow
I'm going back to AOH until I form my next level list and server rules.
I think I'll do one of those themed servers I was talking about on the
ActionXtreme forums. The first theme I'll do is Warped Out Crazy
Levels, even though that will probably draw the fewest people yet.
We'll just have to see.
Classes just had to start on
a Tuesday, my busiest day. First, there was an Environmental Studies
class, which took me back to the days when I was in high school and could
still update this page for others to read on the Internet. Then there
was calculus, and after that came a nonexistant lab, so I went back to
check on SaliNet before my last class, Creative Composition. That
reminded me that in addition to getting all my work done, I should get
back to creatively composing Meridian before the Drakan community fades
away, not that it ever will completely.
Today was Labor Day, the last
day before classes start. I'm really nervous about them, but I'm
sure everything will turn out all right. The SaliNet server ran AOH
again today, because it was so popular. Diversity must reign supreme
on my server, though, for I will not become entrenched in any kind of tradition,
unless it's absolutely a good tradition. So, tomorrow I will set
up SaliNet Multiground, which has all the ground levels from my other server,
plus Shock Arena 2 and the AOH levels.
I went canoeing today, with some
other people from the Bradley dorm, as well as some others. We walked
down that trail, during the day, of course, and arrived at the docks.
From there, we got our canoes and headed out onto the lake. From
there, we could see the skyline of Madison and the state capitol.
It was impressive, but we had to go back soon if we wanted ice cream.
I then got my books, which are now at a total cost of about $250.
I set up a server with the Arenas of Honour (using the British spelling)
series of levels, to replace the one that Surreal got rid of. I hope
they bring theirs back so I can have mine free for other things, like air
levels or one of those themed lists.
Today, there was this big event
at the Memorial Union. I saw a lot of stuff, like a comedy competition
and an aikido demonstration. Aikido is a defensive martial art, and
it's from modern Japan, I think, but it still has some of the traditions
of older arts like karate. There was also karaoke there, with lots
of people singing their favorite songs loudly and often off-key.
Tomorrow, I have to buy my books for the year, which means I'm going to
the pedestrian mall for the first time. I ran a ground level server
today, and it was populated sometimes, but it emptied out on some of the
older player-created levels.
I haven't had much time to update
this lately. Today, I had to rush to catch this meeting, where I
learned all about some classes I would be taking, and then I walked down
that path by the lake again. There are some bad stories about that
trail, about how there are muggings and sexual assaults at night.
What a college I go to, where such things happen. I'm sure Madison
isn't the only place, though. I finished setting up the SaliNet Duel
server today, and a lot of people played on it.