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02/10/2006: "All ye inconsiderate assholes"

If you have small offspring who do not have an internal volume switch yet, DON'T FUCKING BRING THEM TO A COFFEE SHOP YOU RUDE ASSWIPES.

People go to coffeehouses to relax, drink coffee, eat pastries or semi-gourmet cafe food, read, study, or talk quietly amongst themselves in an intimate setting.

We don't want to hear your kid's take on how to play checkers at a volume that would be unacceptable in the aisles of a Wal-Mart, let alone a small coffee shop.

Bring your spawn to a goddamn Chuck-E-Cheese and let me study in peace.

I had just bought my coffee. I had just cracked my Exam Cram book open and was trying to digest the difference between sets and volumes when Buffy and Trent and their hellspawn sideshow arrived. I tried to put up with it. I tried plugging my ears. But I couldn't get past even one practice question. I thought about saying something. I thought about dumping my coffee on their heads. But I picked up and left.

I relocated to a different coffee shop. I bought new coffee. I even asked one of the owners of that shop if I was being unreasonable. She agreed with me. I feel vindicated.