Your cross-country flight plan uses flea markets as check points.

You think sectional charts should show trailer parks.

Your toothpick keeps poking your microphone.

You've thought about just taxiing around the airport drinking beer.

You use a Purina feed sack for a windsock.

You constantly confuse Beechcraft with Beechnut.

You think GPS stands for Going Perfectly Straight.

You refer to flying in formation as "We got us a convoy".

You have an orange airplane with a Union Jack on the side.

You've got a gun rack hanging on the passenger window.

You have more than one roll of duct tape holding your cowling together.

Your preflight includes removing all the clover, grass, and wheat from the landing gear.

You siphon gas out of your tractor to put in your airplane.

You've never really actually landed at an airport, although you've been flying for years.

There are parts on your airplane labeled "John Deere".

There's exhaust residue on the right side of your aircraft and tobacco stains on the left.

You have to buzz the strip to chase off all the sheep.

You've landed on the main street of your town for a cup of coffee.

You fly to family reunions to meet girls.

You've won the "Bob Wire" award at a spot-landing contest.

You have fuzzy dice hanging from the magnetic compass.

There are grass stains on your propeller tips.

A spittoon is wedged between the rudder pedals.

Just before impact, you're heard saying, "Hey, y'all, watch this!"

"Never fly in the same cockpit as someone braver than you." Paul F. Crickmore, test pilot.

Blue water Navy truism: There are more planes in the ocean than there are submarines in the sky.

If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a helicopter, and therefore, unsafe.

Mankind has a perfect record in aviation: We've never left one up there.

What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots?  If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; if ATC screws up, the pilot dies.