Lyda and Shawn:

I woke up this morning at about 5:00 with an urge to write to you about this.

In the afternoon, yesterday, I was standing outside by the flowers and a huge beautiful black and yellow butterfly I’d never seen before appeared and hung about the flowers for all the time I was outside. When I saw it, I thought of Ella. Then later on, when I was in the yard again just staring idly off into the distance thinking about her, I felt a bump on my forearm, and looked down to see a different huge butterfly who had literally ran into me and then flew past me to the flowers. The word summerland came to my mind, but it didn’t make any sense. Much later as I was puzzling over it, I remembered hearing Shawn use this word during our time in the hospital.

Then after supper Mort and I went over to the Mall to pick up our glasses, and on the way there I thought of Mort’s silver baby spoon we had given you last New Year’s, and I thought while we were at the Mall I might look to see if they still have those and think about having one engraved for Ella. I looked in one of the jewelry stores and one of the people there directed me to a kiosk called "Things Remembered" at the other end of the Mall so I walked there to look at what they had. The first thing I saw was a silver baby shoe and I thought that’s about the same size as Ella’s big foot and I could almost see her foot in it. And then I remembered Shawn’s saying that Ella needed to be on a different journey and suddenly I felt like about 500 pounds of weight had lifted off my shoulders.

As I’ve been putting these things together I think Ella must be thinking Grandma is sort of slow. I missed the butterflies, but I think she was leading me by the hand to the shoe. That I got. I was always thinking of her as we were buying stuff all these months at the ropas and the rummage. She had to show me stuff to buy for her before I got the message. And since she got through, I have been at least 50 times better and I can almost see the way out.

And I think it all was how it was meant to be. I know you are struggling with the "what ifs" and "maybe we should haves," but I think Ella wanted to leave from home and that’s what she did. And I think it’s actually her who wants me to tell you that.

For myself, I need to thank you both for giving us our pretty Ella. This past year has been such fun with finding things for her and sharing all the moments along the way. She’s always been so real to me. I’ve seen her wearing all the dresses and the hats. She has been family from the time that she began. You both did such a good job with her. You sent her off with a sturdy little body and some feet for any journey. Sometime when most of the pain is gone, you must tell me about summerland. I think where she needed to go is a place very much like that.

Love,
Mom

Ella's obituary will be online for a year (until August 2003). If you would like to sign the guest book, please do.